Friends

I have never really had "close friends".  I think that's because I grew up as an Army brat, and we literally moved every two years when I was growing up.  I hated moving, and saying goodbye to my friends....so as I grew older just became emotionally easier not to let anyone get that close.


Now there was a brief time when I would say I had some very good friends.  Everything you hear about "friends" in the military are true.  The best friends I have ever had, were the ones I had while in the Air Force. When you worked, and lived with the same group of people day in day out, whether you wanted to or not, you became friends. These were the people that would be there for you when you needed them....to lend you their car when you had a date and didn't have a car....to get drunk with...to take road trips to Lake Tahoe on the spur of the minute, and have to use the $100 you won for gas to get back home...things like that.

When I got out of the Air Force, I found out friendships were different. I found that I needed to put the wall back up.  Over the years since getting out of the military, I have become a small town person.  Don't get me wrong, for the most part I enjoy living in a small town, but they are inherently different then larger cities.  People grew up with one another, went through school together, and graduated high school together.  They have spent time, if you will.....

I have met some great people since moving since moving here.  Hopefully, I can live here for many years to come.  Will I ever have "good friends" again, I doubt it.  I have come to find, for me, friends only let you down.  I know I know that sounds sooooo cynical, and maybe to a point it is, but there was a time when I needed the help of my "friends" ...and the few people who know me, will tell you that for me to ask for help is a big deal, but when I needed the help of "friends", they weren't there. I don't hold grudges....nor do I get angry...I only get disappointed.  I  learned the difference between "friends and co-workers".

I do like to tell myself I have a good friend...someone who understands me, gets my jokes, but due to circumstances, this friendship is based more in emotion than reality, it's confined to a very limited, fragile existence .....well it's hard to explain.

This post sounds so cynical...but they are my thoughts, my observations.